NFL Daily Presents: Analytical Assault Week 6

Breaking News Trade Deadline
According to John Clayton of ESPN, the Chargers are set to acquire WR Chris Chambers from the Dolphins. More details forthcoming on SOS and tomorrow in The Wednesday Rundown on SOS2.
3:30pm- According to FoxSports.com, Chambers will be dealt for a 2nd round pick. Chambers has confirmed the deal. As many of you already know, Michael Bennett has been acquired from the Chiefs by Tampa Bay to get more depth at RB.

Duels, trends, ratios. So many fun things going on. Getcha popcorn and dentures ready, cause I'm flying solo and the ride will be Hester fast and Welker shifty. "And now, I've made far too many daytime TV references."

-Hester fast you ask? Peterson dominant, says Minnesota. The Vikes won because they rushed the ball 43 times, 20 and 224 of those yards by Adrian Peterson, and he averaged 32 yards a kick return. Accept your OROY trophy, AP. "I'd like to thank the little people, like Tarvaris for getting the hell outta my way." He was 9/23, and while Brian Greise played well, the Bears will lose every time he throws it 45 times. Cedric Benson has nothing! He's in the negative! He'd get kicked out halfway through Jeopardy, and Alex Trebeck, Will Ferrell, Sean Connery, and Darrell Hammond could do better than Benson. In fact, those 4 could probably stop the run better than the Bear defense, who have apparently gone into hibernation. And new PIR host Drew Carey could make the Pro Bowl as a lead blocker for AP. He makes it easy. Hester returned a punt, and caught an 81 yard TD but Peterson stole the show.
-Braylon Edwards! Pinch your cheeks, you've grown up so very much this year. 3 TD catches to lead the Browns past the winless Dolphins. And man, can Cleveland score. Derek Anderson only needed 25 throws, and the running game was good enough without Jamal Lewis. Cleo Lemon threw it 43 times, that usually signals a loss. Ronnie Brown was a stud as usual, but the Miami defense has lost their luster, and now they're just a bad unit.
-What an ugly, yet oddly entertaining and exciting game between 2 of the NFC's "best". Both teams had great chances to win this game outright, but either fumbles or picks caused the team to fall short. Nobody really stood out besides for Chris Cooley and Charles Woodson, who won the game for the Pack. Both defenses played well, but Green Bay made like Gloria Gaynor and survived, and made like Harry Houdini and escaped.
-Chad Johnson was cool when his team was winning, now he just looks like an idiot. And after I threatened to kill Herm Edwards if he didn't start pounding Larry Johnson, he came threw and not surprisingly came up with the win. 31 for 119, that's how LJ should run every game. It keeps the defense honest and allowed the team to have the ball over 35 minutes, allowed Damon Huard to be efficient, and allowed Tony Gonzalez to break the Tight End TD record. Cincy needs Rudi Johnson to get back healthy, because Carson Palmer will make mistakes when forced to throw too many times. And maybe the Jailcats defense will stop somebody once in a blue moon. Low and behold, the Chiefs are in this AFC West race.
-The Bench Chad watch continues. The Jets Mime Tackling Club was in session once again, and allowed the only TD of the game on a long whiff-fest. Also returning were the hit comedies (tragedies for Jet fans) Same Damn Chad INT and Pathetic Playcalling featuring the 4th and 1 Fade of Doom that lost them the game (4 plays and a cloud of disgust says the New York Times). Thomas Jones was playing well, pound the god damn ball! If this is all Mangenious can do, then perhaps he had a coaching "stroke" if you will. I'll admit that's wrong, but so is putting out such a bad team in front of paying fans. Westbrook played well for the Eagles, but they were just along for the ride of the Gang Green Train Wreck.
-What a wild one in Tampa Bay, but the Bucs seem determined to have a good year. I'll give Tennesee credit for going out and tying the score even with Vince Young out of the game, but Jeff Garcia just willed them down the field for the game winning score from Matt Bryant, who is really a clutch kicker. Now the question will be why Jeff Fisher didn't ice the kicker. It's a lose-lose for everyone involved except for Nick Folk. The Bucs running game was nonexistent so they traded for Michael Bennett today. Galloway and Hilliard continue to excel, and Tampa keeps finding ways to win, despite the Titans having the ball for over 37 minutes. 3 turnovers also don't help if you're Tennessee.
-Wow! That's a 3 letter word I can say about the Jaguars. Insert a 4 letter word if you're a Texans fan, cause y'all got clobbered in the 2nd half. Garrard controlled it well, they got big plays from Taylor, from Jones-Drew, and from the defense. They stopped the run, and only allowed Owen Daniels to have a big game. He's really underrated. If Jacksonville keeps the turnovers down, they can beat the Colts next week.
-Humiliated, hammered, humbled, demoralized, dominated, destroyed. In HD, high definition. Ravens rock Rams, Frerotte throws 5 picks, Stover kicks 5 FG's, St Louis kneels down at the end of the game to end it, to beg for mercy, to beg to live another week. The defense did most of the work, the offense just moved it into Stover range. That's a game where a horrible offense meets a huge defense. It was a total annihilation.
-Buy me some dentures and prune juice, we don't care if they ever come back! Cause it's root, root for Vinny! 206 in the air, no picks, Williams and Smith played great. Arizona chose to sign Tim Rattay over Vinny, he came in for an injured Warner, threw 3 picks and will now start. And now they signed Tim Hasselbeck who's best known for a wife on The View, now they need another QB, and now I've made far too many daytime TV references. James and Fitzgerald were OK, but the QB cost them the game, and it's all Matt Leinart's fault. Now messing with karma is messing over the entire team. Karma 2 Whineart 0. Maybe Carolina will be able to get by. Heck, they play in the NFC South!
-Welker shifty? How bout Brady nifty, Patriots unstoppable, stale popcorn in the 2nd half, and we're all witnesses to one of the greatest teams EVER. That's in caps, as in there may not be a ceiling to their success, the Pats didn't even play their best football. To Dallas, New England is like Visa: It's everywhere they want to be. They're the measuring stick of the elite, they're the barometer of where the Boys have to go to reach the next level. Romo must look to Brady, the Cowboys weapons have to look to the Pats weapons of Welker, Stallworth, Watson, and oh yeah Moss. Dallas was lit up, there's nothing that could stop them. The Boys are head and shoulders above the NFC, but New England is head and shoulders above the rest of the universe. Another level, an entirely different stratosphere, and everyone wants what they've got.
-LT is angry. And when he plays with a mean streak, he's great. 4 TD's for LT + 21 throws for Phil Rivers=Victory. If Norv limits the throws Rivers attempts, San Diego stays classy. But Norv is a big fat loser, had to say it. And once LT got on a roll, the Raiders could have done anything but it would not have mattered. And Oakland played well, but it was a moot point. The AFC West is the Bolts' for the taking if they don't screw anything up.
-Beep-beep. Beep-beep. What's that? It's a pulse from the Saints. Bush played well, Patten could emerge as Drew Brees' top target, and Matt Hasselbeck's heroice weren't enough. The big question is can they build upon this win? And will anyone be consistent in the NFC West? There are more pathetic divisions in football in one year than I can ever remember.
-Here at the SOS research department, we've come out with a major discovery: all QB's whose last named end in the suffix "-ington" are terrible. Subject A, Chad Pennington. Subject B, Joey Harrington. 18/39, 3/13 on 3rd downs, billions of 3 and outs. You can't win that way! The Giants defense was dominant, they're offense held the ball for almost 40 minutes, and Plaxico Burress is emerging as a stud. Eli Manning is showing improvement, but will have to cut down on the INT's. In a terrible NFC, the once lost Giants have now been found, and now find themselves in the conference mix.