NFL Daily Presents: Week 13 ATS

I have a headache, so I'll go through this quickly while analyzing and being brilliant like I always am. Man, did Omar Minaya have a headache the whole last week or what? It's hard to think when your head hurts. Now I know how Omar and Miss Teen South Carolina felt. I digress.......

-The Chiefs need to win this game at home, and they'll once again rely on Kolby Smith to do so. Sorry, not this time. Look for LT to ratchet up his effort in a game they must have, and look for Antonio Cromartie to do some damage on D. Bolts plus the 5.
-I trust Tennessee right now as much as I trust the local burglar right now. They can't get anything done on offense with both VY and the running game slumping. Look for Matt Schaub to have a good day and look for the Texans to pull the upset on the nosediving Titans.
-The Jaguars are on a roll, the Colts may still be without some of their good players. Jacksonville will do their best to control the clock, and I say that they'll at least cover and perhaps win the game outright. Call me crazy, but the Jags are the AFC's 2nd best team right now. Big "show me" game for J-Ville.
-The Skins will be playing with emotion and heavy hearts, and Buffalo will be playing without both Marshawn Lynch and Anthony Thomas. Look for Jason Campbell to wing it against Buffalo (I can't think of a better joke, my head hurts) and look for Washington to remain in the thick of the NFC Wild Card race with a win over the Bills and the 6 point cover.
-Who's playing QB for the Panthers? Who cares, unless they give Steve Smith the ball the entire game, they can't even beat Trent Dilfer and the Niners. Look for Frank Gore to have a big day and Frisco pulls an upset, causing a Carolina uproar and riots in the streets calling for John Fox's head on a stick.
-An enormous game on the schedule pits the Vikings and the Lions, two teams going in the opposite directions. Adrian Peterson's health will be a huge factor; if he can run it, it'll take the pressure of off Tarvaris Jackson up against an opportunistic ballhawking Detroit defense. If Air Martz's crew can get anything on the ground, Jon Kitna and his god squad will have a divine experience at Minnesota's expense. I have a feeling that the Minnesota defense won't do what they did last week, and I don't trust their dormant offense, so I'm taking the Lions for the win. (circle gets the square, with Gilbert Gottfried)
-I can't see a team going 0-16 in the modern era, and the Phins will do it tomorrow at home against the rival Jets. Gang Green fans will be embarrassed for about a day and then realize that the loss was for the greater good of the franchize. For draft purposes, this is a must-lose game, and the Jets will come up big (or small) and lose to Miami plus the 2.
-The Rams were finally putting it together last week, and an almost win against Seattle is good enough for a victory over the Falcons. Gimme STL and the 5.
-The Eagles looked fabulous against New England last week, but will they be deflated by their loss to the Patriots? I'll say yes, and bet on the Mo Morris-Shawn Alexander combo being too much for Philly to handle. Seattle pulls the road upset.
-The Saints need to win this game in order to stay in the NFC South mix, but the Bucs have been too good this season and New Orleans has been way too inconsistent, and my money is on Tampa to put on a good performance defensively on the ground, and running the football with Earnest Graham. Bucs lock up the dirty dirty with the win.
-The Browns are playing really good football, and Kurt Warner can't stay out of his own way. Look for Cleveland to survive in the desert, and come out sitting pretty in the wild card picture.
-For the rest of my picks, I'll take Denver, the Giants, Pittsburgh, and the Patriots with all those glorious points. Enjoy football, I'm going to the medicine cabinet.