NFL Daily Presents: Analytical Assault Week 11

No discussion is needed for this blog, it's good! No Kitnaesque excuses and no looking forward to next week, Black & Gold bleeders. From the Pats to the Phins and everywhere in between, this is the pre-holiday assault will give you what you need so you won't have to go shopping for the best football blog. It's all here right now.

-More menstrual than Hillary? Maybe Bobby Petrino is looking at a mirror and asking himself why all the analysts are making fun of him, is it because he's winning? Well clearly not, idiot it's because you yanked Joey Harrington after winning two straight games you started Byron Leftwich who was terrible! The killer combination of Harrington and Leftwich threw it 48 times to 19 runs. Not a very good ratio for a team with crazy bad QB play. What the Bucs did was pound it with the run, and then hit the big pass play with Joey Galloway and cruised to victory. Tampa has an easy road to the division title if everyone else have their heads up their derrieres.
-Rumor has it that after the game, Chad Johnson was seen cursing at himself and wondered why Antrel Rolle had better receiving stats than him. I think Carson Palmer may have found himself a new favorite target. Wait...breaking news into the SOS studios, Rolle is on the Cardinals? What? Did Palmer know this before Rolle put up 3 picks for 127 yards and 2 TD's? Chad Johnson had 86 yards and no scores. Palmer may have a golden arm, but you're asking him to throw it 52 times. Arizona not only got big plays on defense, they had excellent pass:run balance and FitzBoldin had another great day leading the Cards to a big win over smelly Cincinnati.
-Coversation between Jon Kitna and God:
"Oh please God, why did I have to make bad decisions late in the game?"
"Because Jon, I'm not really down with the fact that people are calling Detroit God's Team. And I can't help you if you never run the ball. I have to take some time off from football to address the situation in Pakistan. Have you noticed how bad Notre Dame is doing? And don't give me that win over Duke garbage. Hello, Blue DEVILS. Some things have to be put in order. So lay off the excuses, Jon and don't throw a jump ball deep to someone if he's short. Christ out."
"But wait God, why did the Giants do so well on offense? I prayed hard that our defense would put out a strong effort?"
"Well pray harder, Jon. Eli and his coordinator know and practice the great virtue of run:pass balance. Do you know how well they accomplished that?"
"I thought you would know."
"Silence, Kitna! I was testing you, it's not like I'm asking you to slaughter your own son. New York threw it 28 times and ran 27, and they were able to rush you well. Next time, pray for your line to give you time or Michael Strahan will sack you yet again."
"But isn't he a homosexual?"
"Silence, I punished him enough with his teeth gap. Run along now, and ask Martz to call more runs."
-After they left their canes and walkers on the sidelines, Brett Favre and Vinny Testaverde did battle. A few seconds later, Carolina had no chance. A big punt return set the tone, and Favre virtually ended the game before halftime with two TD strikes. By no means did the Panthers play a really bad game, but Green Bay was on another level on Sunday. Both running games were effective, but special teams and QB play made this an easy win for the Cheeseheads.
-The Colts are battered and bruised, but they were able to get it done against the Chiefs. This game was played really evenly and it was good for Indy to get the win with so many people missing. No player had a particluarly good game, and the Colts will have to raise their level of play to lock up an AFC South title. The Chiefs need a QB and now they require a backup RB with the Holmes injury.
-Chester took some vitamin AP and grabbed a win for the Vikings against the helpless Raiders. Tarvaris Jackson had his best game yet, but Daunte Culpepper really impressed me. Minnesota was able to bottle up the Oakland rushing attack, but were able to stay in it with some big passing plays to Ronald Curry. What's really sad is that the Vikings turned it over 5 times and still one. The Raiders have a long way to go, and capitalization is vital to a team's success in this league.
-If Miami had any offense at all against the Eagles, they would've claimed their first win, because their defense and special teams are improving. John Beck showed that rookie rust, and was pathtically putrid. After McNabb was atrocious and got injured, AJ Feely came in and played rather well, but Brian Westbrook was the real star. He gained almost as many yards as the entire Miami offense and will have to almost singlehandedly keep Philly in the playoff race. The dream is still alive for the Dolphins, if you dream of utter chaos and failure.
-Norv is a huge loser! Phil Rivers is not a good quarterback! He threw 42 times, LT rushed 16 times, and they lost for some reason. Garrard managed the game well, and Fred Taylor's still got it. Jacksonville didn't turn it over and went to an under the radar 7-3. The Bolts are an overrated 5-5.
-In one of the oddest games ever, "the field goal that wasn't good but really was which was then not reviewed but reviewed and then called good" Cleveland benefited from the RIGHT call and saved their season. The Ravens had their usual 4 turnovers, but they were able to make a really strong fourth quarter comeback led by the defense and Willis McGahee. Anderson and Lewis played well, but Cleveland's talent and a defensive TD prevailed. And the Browns need to get Cribbs the ball more, he could take it to the house every time he touches the ball.
-I can't solve the Saints. They're an enigma, and not in a good way. Mario Williams played better than Reggie Bush did, and the Schaub-Johnson connection can be lethal when both are healthy. Drew Brees' hot streak finally ran out, and the Texans did a good job of tackling and preserved the win. Colston and Bush can catch it well, but they can't beat a good team like Houston playing one dimensionally.
-The Steelers were caught looking ahead, and Eric Mangini had the Jets perfectly prepared for the Steelers, beating Pittsburgh at their own game: dominating the line of scrimmage and getting to the opposing QB with a trick play mixed in. Kellen Clemens didn't have stellar stats, but he took them down the field when they needed it, and Thomas Jones finally had a breakout game. Big Ben and Willie Parker were held in check and the Jets earned this win.
-The Redskins were very close to pulling the upset in Dallas. They stopped the run and made the Cowboys safeties get into coverage, but their injuries in their secondary were exposed over the course of the game, and Terrell Owens exposed the Skins defense, and ripped them apart. Jason Campbell had a very good game, but Tony Romo was that much better, but Washington made it tough.
-The 49ers are atrocious and the Rams are not much better. And the coaching can be blamed for Trent Dilfer throwing it 42 times and Frank Gore only rushed it 15 times. Steven Jackson played very well, and the Rams happened to be not as bad as Frisco was.
-Just when you thought the Bears were turning the corner early, but the Seahawks had life breathed into them by Mo Morris and Matt Hasselbeck played very well in the win. Hackett and Engram had good performances which offset a good day by the Chicago receivers. The Seahawks could lay a claim to the 3rd best team in the NFC.
-The Patriots are one of the best teams I've ever seen. Randy Moss was able to impose his will on the Buffalo team, who couldn't do anything on offense without Marshawn Lynch. Belichik dared Buffalo to stop them and they couldn't. That's not running up the score, that's sending a message. New England won't be calling off the dogs and they won't stop playing their hardest until the Lombardi Trophy rests in their arms.
-Tennessee's defense was torched to the tune of four TD's of 40 plus yards, and Jay Cutler proved that he's far superior than Vince Young, and Selvin Young and the Broncos cruised to victory. Denver was pumped for the MNF game and for the opportunity to stake their claim as the top dogs in their division. They showed it in the first quarter and never looked back for the win.